19 - Sayang/Minat/Suka/Cinta
Along the past 3 months of being in a boarding school, I've learnt that there's a vast difference between sayang, minat, suka or cinta. Never thought of it that way, because in my mind, they're all the same.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Until... someone appears.
Apparently, this someone happens to be good at dancing, speaks fluent English and a big fan of novels (fantasy, especially).
...which happens to fulfill my criteria of a dream boyfriend. See what I did there?
I don't know what does my heart desire most. Whether it's sayang or suka. A big no-no for cinta, even the world itself makes me puke. DO I LIKE HIM? Now that's the big question here. But being that typical izyan I am, I can never make up my mind. I'm rather always confused, lost or just ignorant. But this time, I wanna know what is this feeling he's been giving me, what kind of butterflies in my stomach this time and what do I really want. Regarding to my previous relationships, they're broken because they're either a. not serious, b. lack of communication c. high hopes. And what I worry most in this case right now, is c. high hopes because... ooh i forgot to mention.
That guy likes me.
Don't ask whether it's a good thing or not, because everything has its own pros and cons like... everything I say will be overthinked by him, causing him to manipulate himself into thinking I like him. For example, even if I say something simple like, 'you're good at dance', he'll think of it in a different perspective like 'oh my god she said I was good at dancing. Do you think she likes guys who can dance? Because I can. Oh wait I think she mentioned that she likes guys who can dance. Ah yes, she definitely likes me! Now I can spice up my sweet talk and make my way towards winning her heart. Yes I'm gonna get her because she complimented my dancing.' SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT UGH. So, I have to be extra careful with my conversation with him because trust me boy, it can lead to something else. Something I've always tried avoiding but constantly failing. HIGH FREAKING HOPES.
But this time, it's different.
Different? DIFFERENT? IZYAN R U CRAZY HAVE U THOUGHT THIS THOROUGHLY U KNOW THIS ISN'T SOMETHING-
Nu-uh girl. Hold your horses, I haven't finished. Different as in... I might actually like him. BUT WAIT. I can't go straight away with that statement, because.. I might actually not. But yea whatever it is, it's undecided and I don't wanna think about it. Says the girl who can't get her mind off that particular guy. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS I UGH BYE.